How I became a more present mum.
When you were pregnant with your first, what was your idea of motherhood?
Did you picture picnic lunches in the park? Reading all day in snuggy PJ's, bedtime stories, baking, swings, play group, laughter, play, paste, paint? Fun? Love? Creating? Learning? Joy? Peace? No yelling? How are you going with that? Is motherhood living up to the expectation?
I had a pretty good idea of what motherhood (or the tasks involved) was. Long sleepless nights, nappies, feeding, pooping, tantrums. I had four nieces and nephews, and I babysat since I could hold a baby. I couldn't wait to be a mum, really it was all I ever wanted.
Number 1 came along when I was the ripe old age of 24. It was bliss. He wasn't perfect but I was ready. Then shortly after number 2 came along. He also had his issues, hospital visits and a toddler in tow wasn't easy but I managed. We played outside, and did the craft, read the books, went to Gymboree.
Then the stuff started coming in. The paintings, the papers, the clothes, the toys, the gifts. Then baby number three came along. Which meant less sleep, less time, less patience but more stuff, more jobs, more yelling, more cleaning.
My poor boys had no idea what had happened. I literally went from the fun (pretty patient) calm mum, to a freaking tornado of emotions. It was like my brain was constantly saying...
No time for fun, must do... no time for craft, must do...
No time for cooking, too much mess already...
No time for outside play, have too much to clean inside...
No time for reading other than bedtime, because well I’m exhausted and I can't be f*cked
Leave me alone
Don't pull that out, I just freaking picked it up. I was so tired and overwhelmed. I couldn't keep up. Three kids, three times the toys at Christmas, three times the paper, three times the birthday parties.
I was no longer the fantasy mum I had always hoped I would be; my kids missed her, my husband missed her and I really missed her. I was stuck in this hole for years. Just going round and round the hamster wheel, feeling shit, feeling tired, working, working, working.
No matter what I did I felt like I was always angry, stressed and overwhelmed. Then I realised it wasn't the kids, it wasn't me, it wasn't my house it was my STUFF. The stuff was so overwhelming. It brought so much work, and so much stress that I just couldn't keep up. I couldn't find time to feel free, calm, fun, silly.
Don't get me wrong, I was a "functioning" mess. We still cooked, did craft, played. But it wasn't the same. I wasn't there. I was always setting up then wandering off to tidy and put things away. I never felt present. Then one day I started to release the stuff. Not pick it up and organise it, or put it in a tub; like actually release the stuff. It went by the car load. I had reached my limit. I was no longer prepared to miss out on those few short years of being "mum to my babies" for stuff. And boy did it change my life. My mind was now constantly saying....
Yes, we can paint.
Yes, let's go for a walk.
Yes, let’s play!
I might read a book today.
Yep mum can watch it with you.
Yes come for coffee!
How are you currently spending your time with the kids? Are you present? Or are you just there supervising but not all in? How do you want to spend the remaining years as mum to your babies?
Are you ready to make a change? Click here (I actually have no idea how to do that! So message or click the link below and I'll get it straight to you! Ha ha, Tech expert I AM NOT!) to get my mums declutter starter guide or hit button below to book a free 15 min chat to see how we can get you back to the best mum you can be!